im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
