elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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