I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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