so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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