my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
