We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
