well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
