the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
