Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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