exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
