I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We need a shit load of segways right now
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
