I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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