I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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