pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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