she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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