For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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