I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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