i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
they're like a gay fantastic four
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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