Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she looked like the before picture.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
