HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
