In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
only if we run a train.
done.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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