Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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