I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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