no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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