they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
