So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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