Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
