I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
