Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sobbing to NWA
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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