pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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