kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
