i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
