I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
