she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
