clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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