she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
