she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
