how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
