I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
