I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize