is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
