sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
