i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
