I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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