just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
These tits shall not be calmed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
