I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
