We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
