Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
