hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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