So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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