I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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