Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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