I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
