Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize