these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
