Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
FUCK WHALES
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
