I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Randomize
