I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
