Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
