Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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