just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
tell me about the eggs
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
