Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
