I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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